


Lads vs Bogans- The Nohr an Hosido showdown

by NotSoGraceful (LeathalPotatoGun)



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Bogans, Camilla is seriously considering being a stripper, Crack, Garons a douche and doesn’t care, Hosido st, Jobs are hard, Nohr st, Parties, Starbucks, Valla st, Why did I make this???, does he ever though, lads
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-02-15 03:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13022376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeathalPotatoGun/pseuds/NotSoGraceful
Summary: The Nohr st lads and the Hoshido st bogans have known each other for years. That doesn't mean that they get along. Now mix the Valla st Holligons in and we're in for a wild party.





	1. My Lady Bogan

Every morning Leo and Takumi left their houses at the same time. They walked in the same direction. They even usually went to the same store. But Takumi, stubborn as he is, refuses adamantly to accept that their similarities provide a sufficient reason to talk on their way to the shops.  
But that wouldn't stop Leo from at least making an effort.  
"Oi ya wanna get Starbucks?" Leo asked, like he always did.  
Takumi got pissy (Leo didn't blame him they'd been having only Starbucks for the last month) and screamed back "I don't wan't no fucking Starbucks mate!" 

These days it got really hard to find good drinks and the only available place that everyone had decided, had too do. Was Starbucks. So no one had much hope in finding drinks that weren't completely shitty.  
Living across from each other and being the only dudes the same age and not constantly hung over as hell. Takumi and Leo were forced to spend time with each other, a setup that they both weren't all that fond of. Though they did have their moments.

"What do you want then bruh, I'm not gonna stand ‘ere all day waiting for ya!" Leo yelled back at him.  
"Don't fucking yell, let's just get soup!" Takumi screamed at Leo.  
"Don't feel like it"  
"What are we gonna have then,  
pretty boy"  
"Don't fucking call me pretty boy Fuck-u-mi"

"Ey what you two doin hanging out" Xander, who was probably on his early jog (he did it so he could show off his sports wear), demanded more than asked.  
"You weren't talking to me, so I had to hang out with this fag" Leo answered.  
"who are you calling a fag" Takumi spat.  
"You" Leo shot back  
"This is coming from the pretty boy that curls his eyelashes everyday"  
Leo's face contorted in horror  
"I don't ever curl my eyelashes" Leo responded hurried.  
Takumi rolled his eyes and answered back  
"yeah you do I see you every day through your fucking window that you never bother to fucking close"  
"Stop perving on my brother fuck-u-mi" defended Xander  
"What are you all doin ere" Ryoma said coming from the direction Leo and Takumi were trying to walk towards.  
"Why are you hanging out with the fucked up lads" Ryoma asked Takumi.  
"Aye who are you calling fucked up"  
Xander and Leo responded  
"What? It's true you and you fucked up lads, your whole street is fucked" Takumi shot at the brothers.

This usually happened around here people would try to go do something only to end up in a fight especially when Xander was around, he had a reputation for being the biggest fight starter, usually won the fights as well.

The argument continued for a while, and ended as Camilla called Xander to tell him she was having a party and to bring Leo.

"Bye Hoshido st bogans, we've got better places to be than roasting you." Leo smirked  
"Oh and our street ain't fucked, yours is, full of fucking bogans. Later Ryhomo." Xander ended, walking off with Leo in tow.

•At Xanders House•

"Ey Camilla when's it start" Elise whined  
"Have to wait for everyone to come Elise dear, so stop whining" Camilla said clearly annoyed with the ongoing questions.  
"I'm not whining you big tittied bitch" Elise yelled back  
"What did you call me" Camilla looked shocked.  
"What ya gonna do about it" Elise said clearly pleased with herself  
"Shut up Elshankya"  
"Oh you wait, I'll shank ya tit-twit, just you fucking wait!"  
"Can't you just fucking shut up and wait" Camilla ended.  
"Fine then I'm going to see what Sackwacka is doin"  
Elise decided. 

Now, Sackwacka (Sakura) is the youngest member of the Hoshido st bogan clan. Her nickname, is derived from what she does for fun....  
-  
Sakura and Hana rode their dirt bikes down the street, baseball bats in hand.

"Ready Han!" Sakura cheered  
"Aww fuck yeah!" Hana smirked 

"Ae the fuck you'z bogans doin" Elise yelled before her eyes widened in realisation.

"You're goin sack wackin!"

"Yeah, without you ya lad bitch!" 

Elise laughed "Be there in a minute, with the metal bat".

"Good shit!" Sakura yelled back.

Sure enough Elise was back, on a bike with her metal baseball bat.  
"Let's sack wack some dick heads!"

Sakura's nickname, comes from her favourite sport, one she made up, sack wacking. She rides down the street on her dirt bike with a baseball bat and when she rides past a dude, hits them in the nuts. 

Despite the uneasy relationship between the two families. Elise and Sakura happen to like each other company. The little rebels.

The unlucky dudes that seemed to be heading their direction were Ryoma and Takumi that were coming back after they got their soup. They saw their sister, Hana and Elise and tried to piss bolt the other direction only to get a sack wacking greeting from their sister  
"Fuck that hurt" Ryouma groaned in pain  
"No joke" Takumi added doubling over.  
Sakura, Hana and Elise just smiled and continued down the road of the soon to be other people's pain.

"Ae Sackwacka big sis Camilla is throwing an awesome party wanna come"  
"That sounds neat Elshankya I'll be there"

"Ok see ya there" Elise said riding back to her place.

-At Ryoma's Place-

"Hey Hinoka, tit-twit is throwing a party wanna go" Sakura ran in the house yelling excitedly  
"Is there gonna be weed?"  
"Ah yeah, think so but there's gonna be guys too"  
Hinoka clenched her teeth.  
"You know that all of em are just gonna go after tit-twit cos she's a fuckin dumb slut!"  
"Yeah but can we just go come on" Sakura pleaded  
"fine I'll go ask Ryouma and Takumi if they want to come" Hinoka said jumping of the couch.  
"You never know some might not be into the dumb slut type" Sakura yelled at Hinoka back, Hinoka just snickered and went on the search for her brothers.  
"Oi and I saw em earlier they were walkin down the street with some soup" Sakura added in hopes of making her sisters search easier  
"Those fucking boys and their soup I swear" Hinoka said to herself.

Ryoma and Takumi were waddling over to Ryoma's place, still not quite recovered from the sack wacking that they were faced with earlier, When Hinoka approached them.  
"Leme guess, Sakura's work" Hinoka said with a slight smirk creeping on her face.  
"How'd ya know" Ryoma said sarcastically  
"So tit-twits throwin another fuckin party wanna go" Hinoka asked  
"Yeah, I have nothin better to do" Takumi said before taking a spoon full of his soup.  
"Ya better of bought me something you fuck tards" Hinoka said noticing Takumi's soup.  
"No......" Ryoma answered getting slightly worried  
Hinoka started getting pissed off from Ryoma's lack of memory.  
"I fucking sent you out to get me something Ryhomo"  
"I'm sorry I forgot" Ryoma stated starting to worry for his saftey  
"I'm just gonna go get ready" Takumi said quietly walkin away of the soon to be crime scene  
"Yo started callin me Ryhomo, what are you? a lad? Highknoka" Ryoma said defensively  
"Just fuckin remember next time why won't ya I'm gonna go get ready you should too you look like a slob" Hinoka said taking Ryoma's arm and leading him to the house

•Xander's place•

"Hey Xander" Camilla greeted her brother as he walked in  
"Oh hey Camilla" Xander said turning to face Camilla  
"Got you something lil sis" Xander said  
"Oh really you didn't have to, but what is it" Camilla asked  
Xander passed her a necklace  
"Since you were throwing a party I wanted ya to look nice" Xander said while passing her the necklace  
"Your the best bruh" Camilla said while putting it on  
Xander just smiled and climbed the stairs to get ready

^Azura's House^

"Hey Azura have you seen my dress I lost it" Kamui announced as she rounded the corner searching for the missing dress  
"No Kamui just get another one, you can borrow one of mine" Azura answered while applying makeup  
"Ok thanks Azura" Kamui yelled through the hallway  
After the two finished gettin ready they made there way to Xander's place to attend Camilla's party.  
Only a few seconds after walking through the door, their PA Jakob rushed in. "My Lady.... Bogan?" He panted.  
"What.... Oh, bogans. Since when were they invited?"  
A deep voice echoed through the room  
"They weren't"  
Azura and Kamui turned their heads to see Xander.

Now, Kamui and Azura were neither lads or bogans, they lived on an intersecting st, Valla st. Kamui resided with Azura who owned the house, paying mortgage with her job, which to this day was still a mystery. They get along well with both families, but have their disagreements. And right now they weren't exactly on good terms with the Hoshido st family.

"And what exactly are you doing here" Camilla asked backing up her brother  
"I invited Sackwacka, but I don't remember inviting any of the others" Elise spoke out from behind Camilla  
"Then what are the rest of you fuck wits doin here" Xander asked the opposing family  
"Sakura asked if we wanted to come ladshit" Ryoma spoke up for his family  
"Hey chill out everyone we can go if you want us to" Takumi added trying to avoid a fight (for once)  
"Listen to fuck-u-mi and get the fuck out" Xander said  
"No come on Xander just let them in as long as the don't be asses they can stay" Leo said casually  
"Fine then but if any of you fuck up even once you're out" Xander ended the argument just as Niles entered and asked "any one wanna play poker I brought booze"  
A series of cheers erupted throughout the room and most of the people went to go play.  
Once all the player were in the room and Niles dealed their sets of cards he announced  
"this is strip poker but there's no turning back now" and with a devilish grin the game begun.


	2. I’ll shank ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna edit through this but fuck it.   
> Enjoy

The game at the start was a little bit awkward but as the drunker they all got the more normal it seemed to become.   
So far Kamui's lost her skirt, Leo's jeans are gone, Jacob's lost his boxers (good thing he wears an additional pair of undergarments), Ryoma's boxers and under shirt are the only thing covering him, Camilla's dress is gone, Laslow was in his boxers and jumper Hinoka's shorts are gone, Azura is rocking all her clothing as is Niles, Odin is robbed of all his clothes apart from his jacket, Oboro is in her undergarments, Takumi's In his boxers and Xander's lacking a shirt. others are already out and these are the last contestant's the game was extremely intense as these were the best players left.

And then he came.... Izana, a rich guy from another neighbor hood who wasted his life away with parties and booze (and still tried to call himself religious), though he never did seem to fail at looking fabulous throughout it all. Covered in glittery garments, he burst through the door, and that was when shit got real.

The winner of strip poker was Niles who was undeniably a poker master, especially if it involved unclothed hot people to it.

After Niles' victory he snagged the nearest girl he could find and took her up to a room, which just so happened to be Leo's, and damn he knew he'd pay for it later, but drunk and well... Niles, he risked it.

Leo made the sore choice of heading up to his room and regretted it as he walked in,   
"Agh! What the fuck Niles!" he came out horrified and made a vow to wash his bedding at least 50 times before sleeping in it.   
Like Hinoka predicted, all the male and some female guests were all over Camilla, apart from Hinoka's family. And it made her pissed....

"Hey Hinoka, delivery for you" a tall man with messy green hair said from behind her.

"Kaze! Oh thank fuck you're here, I was about to hit that slut Camilla."

"I got your weed, but I can't stay for long, later." He waved, pushing through the crowd of people.

Suzukaze, 'Kaze' for short, is a weed dealer from Hoshido st who mostly works with Hinoka, though she's still a customer she helps with sales.

Standing up on the couch to get everyone's attention Hinoka yells "everybody I got dope!" 

It didn't take everyone long to make their way to her, a few leaving Camilla which made Hinoka happy as fuck. 

Her two stoner friends Azama and Setsuna were the first to get there, as always, being the fucking stoners they are.

The crowd shared it around and drank too. The party was getting wilder the higher they got.

Once the party got to wild Xander and Leo had to close it down. But party's always had their consequences......

Camilla and Hinoka woke up with the worst fucking migraine in the world. This must be the result of the party that got out of hand the night before. Once Camilla looked at Hinoka her jaw dropped.   
"Oh my fucking god what is with your hair" Camilla groaned still suffering from the hangover "eh what about you!" Hinoka said while laying on her side, the two eldest sisters of Hoshido and Nohr st had a. The worst hangovers   
b. The worst orange fake tan ever and  
c. Bleach blonde hair with only hints of their natural colour.  
"What the fuck did we do" they both groaned.

Hinoka and Camilla previous night-

Being as drunk and high as they were Camilla and Hinoka were getting along (this only happened when they were in this state). They were inseparable when like this and done the weirdest shit together.

Camilla and Hinoka were enjoying an episode of jersey shore when Hinoka paused and said "I want one of those spray tans they're cool as shit" which she would defiantly regret later.  
"Yes and our hair, oh that would be so fucking cooooool" Camilla added falling of the couch.

The two made their way down the street an too the closest store that sold self tan and hair dye  
"Oi The brightest of oranges bruh"  
Camilla laughed as she got out money(money she stole from Silas he wouldn't need it right?) and pranced down the aisle that it was said to be in linking arms with Hinoka.  
"Oi tit-twit look, this ere is the good shit" Hinoka said and grabbed five bottles by sweeping her arm and knocking them off the shelf and into the basket   
"So right Highknoka, and here's the blonde hair dye it's top shit as well"   
Camilla added while dropping two bottles in.  
"We're like fucking awesome we gonna look swag af" Hinoka added.

So they got back applied there tans and hair dye paraded around the streets for a while and fell asleep in Xanders room after trying to steal his nikes. 

Which leads them back to where they we now. With near no memory of the night before and laying on Xanders floor with bright orange spray tans and bleach blonde hair,as well as eyeliner smeared across there eyes.  
"They slowly walked over to the mirror already dreading what they would see.  
"Shit!" They yelled   
"Fuck, im so pissed right now" Hinoka said  
"What are we gonna do!?" Camilla asked  
"I'll tell you what we are going to do tit-twit, get Elsankya and Sakura to go down to the store and buy us tan remover and what ever will get this shit out of our fucking hair!"  
Hinoka demanded  
"Elise! Sackwacka!" Camilla yelled as the two youngest of each family walked up the stairs tiredly  
" you know what you have to do" Hinoka said, knowing they knew clearly  
"K sis" Sakura said with a yawn and walked down the stairs with Elise by her side. It only took them 10 minutes to get back with what the two needed.   
"Here" Elise said and passed Hinoka and her older sister the solution to their problem.

Camilla and Hinoka had no time to waste, hurrying to the large bathroom they got out everything they needed. By half an hour they got the dye out of their hair (which ended up to be cheap ass dye) with only small blond streaks through parts of it. Now for the hard thing scrubbing their tans of.  
"ow it fucking hurts" Hinoka hissed  
"Gah! I know" agreed Camilla  
They we not looking orange anymore at least but now they were red.   
"Now we're the lobster lords" Camilla said. They gave Ryoma this nickname because one year when they all went to the beach he got so sunburnt that he resembled a lobster, Xander laughed his ass off, though never even went near the water for unknown reasons to all of them, he never had.

When they finished their scrubbing and accepted that they were just going to look like lobsters for a while they went down to the lounge room to find Xander asleep on the lounge. (they took his room)  
Elise and Sakura were making pancakes and discussing tactics of Sack Wacking while Leo was trying to wake up Niles who had fell asleep on the table. "Elshankya when will the pancakes be ready, cuz I'm starvin" Hinoka asked   
"Just wait" Elise answered and Azura had went back to their place during the night, only staying a bit after the party cooled down. Takumi was watching Tv with Ryoma and eating what looked like maple syrup coated popcorn. After parties the families would usually stay at each others house, if they were invited.   
Xander was wearing a new pair of nikes and Ryoma was glaring at the tv.  
"Let me guess lost a bet to Xander" Camilla asked Ryoma.  
"Yes, I thought I was gonna win we had a huge punch up and he ended up getting the upper hand and we agreed that who won got nikes, I swore I could've won"  
"Serves you right" Xander said while yawning and stretching, arms draping over the lounge.   
"Fuck you" Ryoma's answer was

By then the pancakes were ready and Niles was successfully pulled off the table.   
"I'm gonna stay here for awhile, chick I was living with kicked me out" Niles declared to which no one had any obligations because he would just stay anyway.

Much to the horror of Hinoka and Camilla, last night did not go forgotten. Hundreds of pictures posted all over social media would haunt them until the end of their days.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
\-----------------------------------


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Why me! 

It was days after the party when Leo came running to the Hoshidon house almost knocking the door over while knocking at 6 am in the morning.  
"What the fuck do you want" Screamed a really pissed and really tired Takumi.  
"Who the hell took photos of me sleeping and printed like one-hundred copies ad posted them everywhere on the internet" Leo yelled.  
Takumi was not dealing with this shit now Leo can ask later so of course he closed the door.  
"Was it you, was it because they already have basically taken over the Internet because one just popped up on my screen they are fucking every where" Leo was yelling behind the closed door.  
It was Takumi of course it was.  
Leo stayed at the door knocking viciously at the door for the next twenty minuets and gave up when no one answered.

At Azura's place

It was a few days after the incident and Leo had mostly calmed down but still was really shitty about what happened and was not in the best of moods. The two families gathered to Azura's for a meal that they shared and the rule was at that time they had to keep peace. Of course this was tricky between the two families but it had to be done. After a while through the conversation the question that could change everything came up.

"Wait so Xander how do you get all your Nikes and shit? you don't have a job" Hinoka asked  
"You know, child support" Xander replied  
"But you're like, 26" Ryoma stated  
"But Camilla is 24 and Leo is 18" Takumi said  
"Oh shit, I just realised" Leo said after remembering that soon he would be 19  
"That would mean Elise is the only one you get money for" Sakura declared  
"Well ok, shit Shit shit" Xander was mumbling  
"Leo!" Xander yelled  
"What?" Leo asked  
"You can get a job" he answered  
"There we go, all fixed" Camilla replied  
"Wait what, Why me!, Xander is old enough and so is, well, everyone actually, so why do I have to be the one to get a job?" Leo whined  
"Because you're the smartest" the Nohr family answered.

Xander's place

"I still don't understand why I am the only one who ha to get a job" Leo protested  
"Look I'm also looking for a job so suck it up" Xander replied  
"Me too Leo" Camilla added  
"But what I really don't get is why you are making me work at fucking Starbucks of all places!"Leo practically yelled  
"Because it was easy to get you into" was the only reply from Xander.  
"Now go get ready for work"Camilla said 

At Starbucks 

"Oh you have to be fucking kidding me" was the reaction of Takumi when he saw Leo walking into his work with a uniform on.  
"Shit, no, why are you here" Leo replied with terror.  
" I've been working here for like a week, I was here fucking first" Takumi stated  
"Don't be a child you shithead, were just going to have to work together" Leo said with defeat creeping into his voice. Xander really done it this time didn't he. Now he had to share a work space with fuck-u-mi.

Ryoma's place 

Takumi grumbled as he made his way to the lounge.  
"What's got you in a shit mood" Hinoka ask, not really caring too much anyway.  
"Fucking Leo started working at my job today" Takumi growled  
"Ha so one of the Nohrian lads actually got a job" Ryoma commented as he walked to the kitchen, overhearing their conversation on the way there.  
"I mean they said Leo was going to get a job and all that shit. But I never thought he would get a job at where you work" was all Hinoka had to say

Star bucks 

It was Takumi and Leo's first full day of working together. It was busy so they would have to get along in front of the customers or they would lose their job.  
"Hey can you go check if we have cream" Leo said with a fake smile plastered on his face  
"Sure" Takumi answered wearing the same expression  
This is how all day had been. Fake smiles and polite tones.  
When the day ended Takumi and Leo were told to wash up and clean things.  
"You fucking idiot you should just quit" Takumi stated mopping the floor  
"Your the idiot" Leo yelled throwing a glass at him, which missed and shattered on the ground.  
"You ass" Takumi yelled.  
And with that a war of throwing 'random fucking things' was started and lasted for about 20 minutes before Takumi and Leo looked at the mess of shattered glass and up turned tables, cleaned it up. Removing all evidence that it ever started, they finished their jobs not talking to each other and went back to their houses.

Xander's house

"That's it I'm going to quit as soon as Xander gets a job and I will get a new job" Leo came in the house yelling.  
"Why" Elise asked  
"Because of Fuck-u-mi, why else" Leo said as if the answer was so obvious, it kind of was.  
"Well that's fine with me, just don't go starting fights with him at work or you will be fired" was all Elise had to say.  
\-----------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my life now, one day I might actually write something worth while but right now fuck it  
> Oh yah and I kinda forgot about this but theres gonna be more at like rlly random times soooo

**Author's Note:**

> This is the trashiest trash that I have ever wrote but I’m gonna write more so...


End file.
